My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
