I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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