Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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