i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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