I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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