I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
