My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
