Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
