he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm too high and old for this...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
