you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
