dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
