I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
