Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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