Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
