Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
