I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
