Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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