So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
