Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
