She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
