if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
