I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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