i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
