Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
