You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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