im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
