Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
