It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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