I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
