maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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