I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
