Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
