Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have demons in me.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
