I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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