he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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