Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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