I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
