sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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