He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
