please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
