And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
