i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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