just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sext me about skeletons
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
