girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
