if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
