Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
