First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
In America we eat man semen.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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