MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
