I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
