she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
