Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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