Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
