Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
