Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
