i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
